Oh Weaverbirds, What Is It You Have To Teach Us?

On this Valentine's day I read a chapter on Women's Long-Term Mating Strategies and a chapter on Men's Long-Term Mating Strategies. My dad told me I should go out with my friends and put those strategies to work. But, I stayed in instead. You can read a couple of blogs below and see how Valentine's usually works out for me and this won't be a surprise. But, I can happily say that although I am single, I still had hope that I would have some sort of romantic happening or surprise this past Saturday. The reason that I am happy about that (oh, nothing romantic happened, sorry to keep you hanging) is that it means I'm not jaded. Yep. I still have romantic hopes, and that makes me happy.

Now, back to my Evolutionary Psychology chapters. As you can imagine the chapter on women's mating strategies was quite a bit longer than that of men's. In a nutshell: women want sugar daddies and men want big boobs with lower hip to waist ratios. No news flash there. What was interesting was what I read about the African village weaverbird.

The female weaverbird holds all the cards in this species. The male literally turns himself upside down from his nest and flaps his wings in such a way to get her attention. He does this to show off the nest he has put together. If he is so lucky to get her attention she enters his nest and inspects it. While she is 'judging' his living conditions, he serenades her with a song. Depending on how well the nest is put together and/or how well she likes the song the female weaverbird will either reject it and go on to another upside down male or stay with the present male. It all depends on if everything in the presentation meets the females expectations.

I love it. Those sassy female weaverbirds. They have an idea of what they want and refuse anything less. If only we human females were so sassy. And on top of that they get serenaded while being judgemental. If only human males were so eager to please.

I don't write this as a feminist. I'm not a feminist, or at least not a very good one. Personally, I think sexual harassment can be fun. I write this as a witness to women who put their all into relationships with men whose nest is very, very far from par. They somehow think they can change these men and make them into the prince charmings of fairytales. Why do we do this? It's pretty much the most ridiculous thing ever. Women will fall for these guys who hurt them over and over. And then when the relationship ends the woman hates all men and is jaded forever. In the mean time I wonder how many wonderfully put together nest and beautiful serenades were missed because of all the time wasted trying to make the loser man into something he is not, or never wanted to be.

Don't get me wrong. I think one of the most beautiful things about love is the desire for both parties to want to build up and support the other. Seeing the beauty through the flaws is my favorite part of love. But, I think we get into these relationships expecting the other to get all 'Tom Cruise' on our ass and complete us. That's silliness. Because people leave, people pass away. Forever was never guaranteed. The best thing we could do is be a complete person and offer our whole selves to someone we love. And if they don't want to offer their whole selves, then maybe there is an upside down guy down the road flapping his wings for our attention.

So, lesson from the female weaverbird:
*know what you want and who you are
*don't be afraid to inspect a males nest. might not be what you were looking for, but at least you looked and it will help you get a bit closer to the one's whose nest is just right.
*don't worry about rejecting the nest. there's always going to be another bird.
*if you find what you like and want to stay...then stay. don't carry the baggage of bad weaverbird's in the past into what could be the best nest ever.

Lesson's from the male weaverbird:
*try.
*keep up with your nest. a crappy nest is a lonely nest.
*although it doesn't seem like it, eventually those with less than perfect nest are rejected. keep trying, it'll pay off.
*and nothing beats a good serenade. although, the whole "Say Anything" scene with John Cusak standing in the rain with the radio over his head is great for the movie, there is a creepy factor to it...so just be aware of that.