The really horrible thing is this happened in the first year of my relationship with above stated 'manfriend'. I've never been athletic. This trait gets confused with being lazy. That's not what I am. I've always been willing to try new things, I've just never had an abundance of the opportunity. So, this was truly exciting for me.
Although the thought of skiing scared the hell out of me, somewhere deep down I really thought I'd be able to do it. There's absolutely no reason why I should naturally be good at snow skiing. I mean, you should have seen me at t'ball. I couldn't hit a ball resting on a tube, why the hell did I expect to be able to strap on long plastic thingys to my feet and hold onto two poles while I'm flying down a freaking a mountain and not have any problems whatsoever? But, reality tends to hit you in the face pretty hard. In my case, reality came in the form of a snow bank.
My leg still hurts to this day. That's why I'm up at 11:55 this Tuesday. The leg is killing me. As I type this, it seems really lame that a broken bone has had such an effect on my life. But, it has. I have this stigma now of not being able to follow through. He gave me instructions on how to ski, how to stop, and other such pointers. And although I tried, somehow it wasn't enough. I didn't listen well enough. I didn't follow through. Quite frankly, it pisses me off. I wanted to impress him so much (by the by, this was the second bone I've broken trying to impress a guy...be warned female tweens; it's not worth it). I wanted to impress myself. And, damned if I didn't fall. Every ache or discomfort I have with this leg is like a reminder of my clumsiness. It's a reminder that I took the fall for what was to be the perfect vacation....and two years later he would have that perfect vacation with someone else.
But, this is who I am. I fall. I fall alot. I run into things. I drop things. I tend to say stupid things. And I get to tell the funny stories about my clumsiness. For instance, I started working at Cold Water Creek two months after my "incident". I had quite the pimp limp at that time. Actually, to this day I still have a bit of a pimp limp...which I do love. I believe it gives me much street cred. My limp was very noticeable at the time I started working there. A year later I learned that all the ladies thought I was born with some kind of leg/muscle deformity and that's why they never asked about my limp. I think that's kind of funny.
There's a running joke that I'm half bionic on account of the steel rod. It's pretty fun making the "nanananananana" sound effects when moving it. I also was deemed the super hero name "The Compass". Because of the extra weight of the rod in my leg, if I tried to run fast I'd probably just go round and round in circles....hence "the Compass". So, I try. I try to make the constant ache of my leg remind me of the humor that is my life. I've been accused of overdoing the self-deprecating humor. But, again, this is who I am. I fall, I get hurt, I get really pissed and embarrassed, and then immediately I see how funny it all is.
While I was in the hospital, my 'manfriend' gave me a red notebook to keep as a travel journal. It has become a travel journal, a memo pad, a prayer journal, my dearest confidant. I'll be sure to burn it one day before I die. About two weeks after I got back I jotted down some thoughts about that trip and observations I made. I forgot I wrote these. They're three years old, but reading them made me feel a little better about my sleepless night and this dammed leg of mine:
Observations of a Broken Leg
12. Probably would have been wise to take a skiing lesson. No half Mexican raised in the South should believe they can ski on their own.
11. If I ever have any illness or accident that requires a hospital stay, I want it to be here. Home made blueberry pancakes are the best things ever.
10. I like Morphine.
9. Stairs and hill are the enemy, elevators are my heroes.
8. I can fall on show hard enough to break my femur at my hip and I won't get one single bruise; but heaven forbid someone lightly taps me on my arm and I'll have a bruise the size of Montana.
7. I have no upper body strength.
6. I'm too prideful. I'd rather go through a lot of trouble on my own than ask for help.
5. I have determination. I've pushed my self more in the two weeks after "the fall" than I have my whole life.
4. I'm nicer to complete strangers while in immense pain than I am to those closest to me on an ordinary day.
3. God's timing may seem incredibly inconvenient, and yet it still manages to be perfect.
2. If breaking my leg gets the one I love to pray...it was more than worth it.
1. More than him loving me back, I want him to love God. That's how I know...I'm in love.
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